Imagination

Time changes everything, even you and I have changed

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People who love chocolates are my friends.

Monday, October 13, 2008 || 10:51 pm

When I was 16, the woman in my English oral exam believed me, I believed myself.

I told her, i really wanted to be this singing lawyer. I loved to sing. And she believed me and gave me a kick-ass A for my English oral( oral only la.. dun ask about the rest).

Who knows 3 years later, it didn't turn out that way.

Everyone else around me is taking law and I wish them the best.

& my English is deteriorating as I cannot even convey simply messages to my tutors.

I was the fat girl in class who never fails to joke, who never seem to lose weight, who seems to be the only ugly one in class. who would've known that bitch is studying to be a kick ass dietitian!!!?

Paloi to all the people who didnt believe I could.

Some bitch of a junior even called me a 'sei-pat-po' for losing weight.

PALOI! Lose weight also wrong! You just can't please everyone!

Weight shed, so did my self respect for myself. I became not me, not I.

But I still love myself la because I know i became prettier ma, I just didnt do what i wanted myself to do.

People would say I look prettier and that made me felt good (duh)

I was moulded into someone people like but not me.

I was just like any girl from school with no special abilities with average grades. ( when I was fat, I WAS SOOO MUCH SMARTER!)

Not happy, also have to force a smile on her face. No wonder wrinkles are growing.

I didnt dare to chase my dreams because there was this image I had to follow and that would be called stubborn instead of passionate.

I just wasnt that fat girl who didnt care anymore.

I seriously don't know if I would be better off fatter.

The fat girl would come out sometimes, but then would be chased back due to intimidation and intrepedation.

I was just another BORING cliche person.

I laugh at my sister for being tall and clumsy, but she has a bleeding bf which makes me bleed inside because I'm a bleeding jealous person of a sister. SIAN. Nothing related actually, just bu suang!

So today, I look up at people who chased after their dreams, Beethoven who never gave up, Thomas Edison who didnt either.

I really look up to people in the creative industries, my cello teacher, my dancing housemate who dare to go after what they have passion in and sometimes wished I didnt take the boring ol' route of Science which was set in front of me.

That is why I took up cello, eventho I do not seem to get support from most people, at least this is something I like to do, chose to do.

I like being one of the few people who knows how to play the cello eventho I'm not that good yet, but hopefully I will learn more la.

I just want to sleep and not wake up amidst this chaos of assignments and presentation drowning me. It is just a dream, I wish.

Wake up, pinch yourself, move on.

The fat girl inside: when I grow up, I wanna be a twin.

har har.

macam very serious lidat.

Labels: Reflections.

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